Respect and Deference: When to Step Back in a Leadership Partnership

May 22

While leadership means taking the reins and guiding your team to success, it doesn’t mean being in control. When it comes to being an effective leader, you need to know when to step back and let others shine. Over the years, Steve and I have learned how to step back and trust each other at the right times, which has been something we practice in both marriage and business. In this post, we’ll talk about my personal journey of learning this practice and how it’s turned into a guiding principle for how we lead.

The Importance of Respect in Leadership Partnerships

If you want to lead effectively, especially in a partnership, there needs to be a level of mutual respect. If you don’t have that mutual respect, then leading becomes a competition instead of a collaboration. Being able to respect another person’s perspective and allowing them to show off their strengths makes it easier to effectively work together.

One time, Steve and I were working on a project. We both had very strong opinions on how to approach it. He wanted something more traditional and straightforward. I wanted to shake things up a bit and go for something more outside the box. It would have been easy for both of us to put our foot down and insist that one way was better than the other. Instead of doing that, we took the time to stop and listen to each other. In taking the time to respect each other’s ideas, we were able to make a decision together that benefited everyone while allowing our strengths to thrive.

This experience taught me an important lesson: respect in leadership is not about always agreeing or yielding to the other person’s view. It’s about valuing their input, even when it challenges your own ideas. True respect acknowledges the strengths your partner brings to the table, and when both parties respect each other, the leadership partnership becomes far more collaborative and effective.

The Role of Deference – Letting Go of Control

When you’re in a leadership role, it’s understandable that you want to maintain control as much as possible. However, a true leader has to know when it’s time to take a step back and let someone else take the reins. Deference, or the act of yielding to another’s judgment or expertise, can be a powerful leadership tool—especially in a partnership.

When working with Steve, we’ve made this a guiding principle of how we lead. Going back to my previous story, it would have been easy for Steve to put down my more creative approach to the project and go his more traditional route. However, he saw the passion I had for this project and decided that my way was the way to go.

This isn’t because Steve decided to just roll over and give me what I wanted. He saw that I had a creative vision for the project and allowed me to run with it. Because of this, the project ended up being a success, and it wouldn’t have been possible if Steve hadn’t recognized that it was the right time for him to step aside and let someone else drive.

Think of deference in leadership as if you’re going to a destination. You might not always know the best way to get from Point A to Point B. If someone else does, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to lead the way? As long as you get to your destination, there’s nothing wrong with letting someone else utilize their strengths in a way that gets you there.

Balancing Leadership Roles in a Partnership

When you’re leading with a partner, you need to know when to step up to lead and when to step back to support your partner. The more you understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, the more you’ll develop this balance. Steve and I have been able to develop a natural rhythm where we know what we each bring to the table and how we can best utilize those skills in a leadership role.

For example, I’m more of the creative type who builds relationships, while Steve is better at structure and strategy. Recognizing and utilizing these strengths has been integral to balancing our roles in marriage and business. I will usually take the lead on more creative projects, while Steve is more inclined to take the lead on a project that needs organization and planning. When we each take lead in these roles, the other supports them in whatever they need.

Balancing these roles will never be 50/50. It’s not about making sure we have an even split down the middle when it comes to who does what. It’s about allowing each person’s strengths to shine when the time is right.

The Power of Trust in Deference

When it comes to allowing someone else to lead, you need to be able to trust that person. If you can’t trust someone else, then you can’t let go of the control. Trust is what has let Steve and I become an effective team and is a big part of a successful partnership.

To trust someone, you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone. If we are taking on a creative project, Steve’s a bit more cautious than I am. However, because he trusts that I have a vision and can lead the project to success, he’s willing to defer to me. When he puts that trust in me, I can lead with confidence, knowing that I have his support with whatever I need to do.

When you’re putting your trust in your partner, being able to defer to them empowers your leadership dynamic and makes it function at its fullest potential. As I’ve stated before: deferring isn’t about giving up control. It’s about letting someone else’s strengths shine. Trust is what allows deference to thrive.

When Not to Step Back – The Importance of Knowing Your Own Strengths

Knowing when to step aside and let others take the lead is an essential part of your leadership toolkit, but you also need to be cognizant of when you should step in and take charge. You can’t step back on everything, and there are plenty of times when stepping back isn’t the right call. You need to be aware of your own strengths and when to utilize them.

When it comes to working with Steve, there are times when I knew deferring to him wasn’t the right call. Maybe I felt strongly about something or felt like I had the right strengths over what Steve might do. In these situations, my strengths were more essential to the task at hand than deferring to Steve.

Finding the right balance between when you should step in and when you should step back is the mark of good leadership. Over time, we’ve been able to strike this balance in a way that has become a big part of our success as partners.

Turning Respect and Deference into a Leadership Principle

Over the years, Steve and I have taken these ideas of respect and deference from being simple practices to being guiding principles. They are integral to how we lead, both in our professional and personal lives.

When it comes to these guiding principles, they’ve helped us develop a partnership style that is built on trust, collaboration, and mutual empowerment. We are able to support each other in meaningful ways because it’s something we’ve been able to integrate into how we lead as well as our personal relationship.

Final Thoughts

You can’t always be in control. Respect and deference are key to a successful leadership partnership, and striking that balance is important. Our partnership has been able to thrive by practicing respect, deference, and trust in a way that empowers our leadership dynamic.

Take time to look at your leadership partnership and think about how these guiding principles can help empower your leadership dynamic. In doing so, know that leading is about knowing when to shine and knowing when to let someone else do the same.

Ashley Ruckman